Imperfection and Why It's a Relief - Part 3
Struggling to feel fulfilled because you just don't feel like your skills are as "good" as you want them to be? Read on:
Merry Christmas to you! Hard to believe it is less than a week away. Hope you have a wonderful, safe, healthy, and happy holiday surrounded by those you love.
I’m particularly excited to share part 3 of our series on imperfection. What Mr. Sterner (author of The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life) shared here deeply resonated with me. From personal experience, as well as experiences I have heard from others, I have learned that we all go through rough patches where it feels like no matter how hard we try, we never make the progress we want. We may even feel imposter syndrome, where everyone else is “legitimate” with their skills but we are not. Any accomplishments we have feel unreal or undeserved in one way or another, despite the hours of hard work we put in to achieving them.
Mr. Sterner shares that, after studying for just over a year with his piano teacher, he was struggling to play a certain passage in a piece of music, but wasn’t having much luck at it. He describes his frustration at, what he felt, was his skills not progressing fast enough. He then decided to write down what he needed to accomplish musically to meet his personal criteria for good musicianship (for example, playing fluently in certain difficult keys, playing in front of large audiences, etc.). He tucked this paper away and forgot about it until several years later. He describes feeling like he was never going to get any better, no matter how hard he worked. It was late one night in a small practice room at the college campus, and he reached a point of depression that he decided to call it for the night. Here’s what happened next:
“As I started packing up my music, a crumpled slip of paper fell out of one of my music books. It was the five-year music plan I had made when I was nineteen years old. I was twenty-two now, and I had completely forgotten about it. I sat down and began reading the list to myself. What I read took me by surprise and made a lasting impression.
I had accomplished everything on the list in fewer than three years, not five. In fact, I had done things musically that I couldn’t even imagine doing when I was nineteen, and yet I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t feel any happier with my music or any better as a musician. My horizon was moving away from me. My concept of a good musician was coming from a different frame of reference. I had a realization that took several minutes to fully evolve. I became aware that there was no point of musical excellence out there that would free me from the feeling that I needed to get better. I understood that there was no point I could reach where I would feel that I had finally done it, that I was as good as I needed to be, and that there was no need to improve because I had arrived at my goal. It was an epiphany. At first I felt overwhelming depression and fear, but these were immediately followed by joy and relief of the same magnitude. I knew that what I was experiencing was a realization that all true artists must go through. It was the only way to build the stamina necessary to continue in an infinite study.
There was a sense of freedom in knowing that I would never run out of room to grow. There was peace in knowing the race was over. Where I was right now was just where I should be, given the amount of effort I had expended. I saw the wake behind my boat for the first time, and I realized I was moving ahead, and pretty quickly, as a matter of fact. But the most important truth revealed to me in that moment was this: My real joy was found in my ability to learn and to experience my growth, moment by moment.” (pages 83-85)
Think about your journey over the last year (or two or three). Look at where you were then and where you are now. Surely the difference will surprise you.
Every time you try, you are succeeding. Even the smallest steps forward are still considered to be progress. Knowing that you will never reach a point where you won’t feel a need to make progress can help relieve the pressure of “not being where you should be”. Instead, experience the joy of learning and growing in real time. If you are better today than you were yesterday and achieved a goal or two (no matter how small), you have succeeded and should take a moment to celebrate that. Allow yourself to feel that fulfillment before making a plan for how you will succeed tomorrow. Nothing is more fulfilling that making and achieving goals, and there will never be a ceiling or a cap put on that. What a relief.
Community thread prompt: What progress or what goals have you accomplished recently? How does that make you feel?