Simplicity in a Complicated World
Whether we are musicians or not, we want to feel we are in control. Unfortunately, life tends to remind that we are not always in charge! This inspiring tip will help you navigate such feelings.
Happy Monday, and if you are on spring break this week like I am, Happy Spring Break! Nothing like a little snow to ring it in…. ;)
Despite spring break, masterclass performances and juries are coming up soon, so practice is forging ahead as usual! As the days and weeks count down, I find myself getting a little anxious. Maybe I’m not yet fully memorized as I’d like to be. Maybe I’m not playing with as much artistry as I’d like to be. Maybe I’m still working to secure some technical aspects of the repertoire. The list goes on and on.
Whether you are a musician or not, chances are you always feel you are falling short in your life in one way or another. Maybe you look at others who always seem to have it together and wonder what their secret is . . . or maybe you feel quiet envy at how wonderful everything seems for them. For those of us who are musicians, we always tend to compare ourselves to each other. We may think that this musician sounds so much “better” than we do. Or maybe they don’t seem to need as much practice as we do. We tend to be perfectionists, and we like to feel we are always in control. So we practice feverishly to ensure that our next performance is completely under our control. Then we find that it’s not. Things we may not have planned on happening do— maybe we phrase a passage differently than usual. Maybe we have a memory slip. Anything can happen in live performance, and that can be a beautiful thing; though sometimes it can be unsettling and frustrating.
Consider the following from Madeline Bruser (author of The Art of Practicing: A Guide to Making Music From the Heart):
“When the struggle to be passionately expressive, coolly laidback, or fiercely authoritative leaves us unsatisfied, a feeling of futility sets in. We wish we could get to the heart of the music, and we feel at a loss as to what to do next.
Usually, we view this moment of uncertainty as a moment of defeat. We feel inadequate because we can’t simply make music. This self-doubt drains us of music-making energy. Instead, we could see our uncertainty as a victory. We have shed our armor of false confidence and are being our real selves.
When we see a great performer, we may assume that since she appears to be completely sure of herself, she doesn’t experience such uncertainty. We don’t think about the long, difficult process she went through to master the piece she is performing. And we forget that her communicative warmth and brilliance come from being vulnerable and spontaneous— that at the moment of performance she doesn’t know exactly what will come out of the instrument or how the audience will react.
Wanting a smooth, finished performance, we try to avoid the discomfort of being bewildered and out of control when we practice. We want to feel on top of the piece. But the uncomfortable moment of uncertainty is charged with vital energy that can transform us and the music we make. If we reverse our usual logic and let ourselves feel this uncertainty instead of shrinking from it, we release this vital energy. . . drop your attitudes and be simple.” (pages 160-161)
She continues on with crucial, insightful steps to help with this process, which we will explore in the coming weeks. For now, consider the idea that nobody truly knows exactly what will happen— whether they are sitting down with their instrument onstage to begin a performance, or whether it is someone facing various life challenges. For the person who always seems to have it together and doesn’t struggle much, the reality is that they don’t and they do! Everyone has their own struggles— sometimes we share similar struggles, and sometimes we don’t. But nobody is “struggle-free.” Nobody “has it together” all of the time. Vulnerability and uncertainty/spontaneity are universal feelings. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge these feelings, versus putting on (or attempting to put on) false confidence, will unleash a new sense of freedom so we can get closer to where we want to be. Stay tuned for more details . . .
Community thread prompt: How do you manage feelings of uncertainty? Do you see them as a positive or a negative?